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An Insta Speaks a Thousand Words

So you know how they say a picture is worth a thousand words? Well, if that’s the case then I clearly need to be on Instagram more and write less.

I mean, you only get so many words in this lifetime and that’s an extra thousand I could be using to tell someone about Jesus or how much the Lakers suck, two of my favorite subjects. 

Anyway, yes, so I am on Instagram. And yes, I do sneak photos of people in public. Sue me. I mean I try to be as subtle as I can, but let’s be honest, I am in actuality giving my subjects that which they so desperately crave. Attention. Somehow you would think they would be more grateful…

It was only a matter of time before this voyeuristic behavior was going catch up with me. I knew it, I just didn’t know when.

Well on this fateful occasion, the day was still early and I hadn’t even had breakfast, yet alone had time to contemplate who would have the fortune (misfortune) of being my subject  (victim) for the day.

That, of course, is usually when fate delivers it right into your lap. As the elevator door opened, standing before me was a man in the most obnoxious fur coat I had ever seen. Of course to make it even better, he just happened to be white.

Now as a rule of thumb I don’t get men wearing fur. But whatever the case, white men should not even look at fur let alone contemplate wearing it.

Anyway, as soon as I get in the elevator I am doing what you do in those moments, pretend to do something else on the phone when in reality you’re just trying to sneak an Instagram pic for the day.

As soon as I got my subject framed and focused, that’s when “it’ happened. By “it” I mean that I had forgotten to switch off the flash and also had the camera sound on.

Our confined elevator space was suddenly lit up with a camera flash going off and a camera click sounding, with just me, my friend and fur coat white guy.

There are awkward moments in life, and then there are moments that are ground-open-up-and-swallow-me-right-now moments. This would fall into the latter category. It could not have been more embarrassing.

I didn’t even know what to say, I just buried my head and continued to play with my phone as if nothing had happened, as he looked at me, clearly wondering if what he thought had happened had really just happened.

This was the awkward silence to end all awkward silences. Everybody knew what was going on but no one dared say anything. Needless to say, the rest of that elevator ride was the longest 15 seconds of my life. 

So you would think after that I would have learnt my lesson right? Wrong! @ug0nna is still on Instagram, trying to catch unsuspecting victims around the city in compromising positions.

My only takeaway from that experience was to always make sure that the flash and volume are always off, especially when in confined spaces with no immediate exits available.

Sadly though, after all that drama I didn’t even come away with a clean shot of the guy in his fur coat. But I guess you already figured that out by now due to the fact that I just wasted a thousand words telling you about it.

Follow @ug0nna on Instagram for some real-time awkwardness. And follow @NYMinuteMag while you’re at it. We’ve been known to shame random strangers.

Featured Image Rebecca Harris by on Unsplash

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