Beyonce’s Thighs Changed My Life

After I graduated college, I moved in with my parents. This was years before it was the cool thing to do. I’m a trail blazer. 

My life consisted of going to work, then coming home to hibernate in my room. One day, my dad walked into my room and found me laying in bed watching TV wasting my life away. 

He advised me to learn how to cook, clean and iron so I can find a husband. My response was that if this is the criteria to be a wife, I’d like one.

I have never really been a stereotypical girl, teenager, college girl or woman. I’ve always just done what felt right to me. I’ve mentioned before I’m not big on wearing makeup or following fashion trends. 

In college, my signature outfit was an inside out sweatshirt and pants designed for the gym. I never went to the gym. Ever. I’d like to take this opportunity to establish my “trend” caught on. 

If I were famous, people would boast of my down-to-earth style and how I don’t take myself too seriously. Since I’m an average Jane, I’m considered “blah.” (I’m embellishing to sell my point. In reality I’m quite fabulous.)

Don’t let my rant give you the impression I’m insusceptible to pop culture influence. I wear skinny jeans, even on my fat days. I spend a great deal of time on my hair. My nails are currently painted that tres cool dark brown. I like Mumford & Sons. If I want to, I can blend in with the uber hip masses. But really, aren’t we just sheep? 

I’ve caught myself looking at magazines and wondering why my hair isn’t as shiny as the actress on the cover or why I don’t have flawless skin like every single person gracing the glossy pages. Oh, that’s right…IT’S NOT REAL!!!

I wonder when did we decide we should all look the same. How many girls do you know look like Kim Kardashian? Why do we follow arbitrary rules set by someone else? Think of when you planned your wedding. Did you follow someone else’s “must dos?” 

How about when you put your resume together, didn’t you just copy a nifty one you found online? How about how your home should look and what steps you take to clean it. Are you just laboring over whatMartha Stewart said you MUST do?

I say burn Martha’s book immediately! Who is she to tell you how to run your home? She’s a rich lady who has a “staff”. Who is YOUR staff? Next time you apply for that job, send in a fun resume or cover letter. Instead of being one of many, I bet you grab the hiring manager’s attention (this is a major hint for anyone seeking employment at NYMM.) 

If you’re a new parent, you’re going to read a million things you should do in order to be a good parent. Don’t kill yourself with that birthday party like those nuts on the internet. If your baby is a BABY, he or she won’t remember. And for goodness sake, stop trying to Pinterest your life!

We’re not made to be copies of one another. We are supposed to be different. That’s how we learn from one another. If all my friends were like me, well, they’d be wonderful. But they’re not, and I love them anyway. Most of them.

Don’t be a sidekick, be the star. The star sets the rules. So what are your rules?

Mine are simple. I wear comfortable clothing. I don’t put too much effort into my looks because I’m too lazy, but also because I want people to remember I have a brain and a personality. I don’t want them distracted by artificialities. I want to be the most authentic me that is. I do a lot of things that are considered lame. 

For example, I watch A LOT of TV. I love TV. Life is short and I want to do what I want to do. I also have popcorn for dinner sometimes.

I don’t fit any “woman mold” because I’m busy making my own. I’ve created the job I want. I only spend time with people I like. I keep my house orderly most of the time not because someone might drop by (it’s NYC…that hardly ever happens!) but because I love to feel settled in. I hardly cook, and when I do it’s not very good. 

I could make it taste good, but that’s a lot of energy for one person. I can spend days at home alone without leaving the apartment. That’s so taboo…and right away you want to label me, but I just enjoy long stretches of “me time” in my apartment. Put that Xanax down, I don’t need it.

So what has got me on this “out with social pressure” kick? It’s probably the same thing we’ve all been thinking of for the last week. BEYONCE’S THIGHS! I admitted I’m sometimes victim to these social pressures, but when I saw Beyonce’s show at the Superbowl, I was mesmerized by her and that changed my outlook.

I’ve never been a huge Beyonce fan. I am now. The woman put on an awesome show, while pantless! What I loved about her the most is that she is herself. Sure, she’s probably got hair extensions and other tricks to make her look that beautiful, but she doesn’t hide that she isn’t skinny mini. It’s as if no one told her, “Hey Beyonce, you have to be a size two to be a performer.” 

I was so distracted by her thighs; her full thighs! They were beautiful. Just then, a lightbulb went off in my head and I looked down. Earth to Sarah: YOU HAVE FULL THIGHS TOO! So why am I always ragging on my thighs! No more! If Beyonce can ignore magazine propaganda, so can I.

So to you our reader, I vow to love my thighs from this moment on. However, my jiggly arms are another story. I need to go watch Oprah.

Featured Image by Ana y María Quintana y González on Flickr
Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC BY 2.0)

Sign Up For Our Newsletter

Email address: