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Don’t Be A #HurtBae

In a recent viral video produced by The Scene dubbed “#HurtBae,” a woman named Kourtney confronts
her ex-boyfriend Leonard about him cheating on her. The video can be seen on 
Cosmopolitan’s website. This video has not only sparked discussion on the Internet about the confusing nature of cheating, it has also put into question Kourtney’s behavior in regards to Leonard.

In the video, Kourtney dignifies Leonard’s low behavior with an entire video response. She doesn’t question his decency, in fact, she says, “I don’t think you’re a bad guy because you cheated.” She says she forgave him because he is her “best friend,” and she even mentions a time when she walked in on Leonard spending time with another girl in his room in which he told Kourtney to leave. What did she do in response? Did she break up with him on the spot? Did she question his uncommonly rude behavior? No. She obeyed his request. She went to her room and cried.

Kourtney needs to know that in order to empower yourself, it is essential that you stop empowering those who are only dragging you down. Daily Nation states in an article about toxicity in relationships that people who “drain your energy, pull you down and turn the happiest of moments into a miserable affair” are not worth excusing. It is not good for your overall being, and that should be put above all else.

Leonard cheated on Kourtney, clearly placing no value on their relationship. Kourtney should know that she deserves much better, and in that, know that she should not dignify his behavior with a video in which she– a person clearly invested in the relationship– cries, while Leonard sits opposite her looking bored. She keeps raising him and their good times up even though he is the main reason for her current dejected state. She’s putting aside her own dignity to try and champion his past romantic behavior.

It is understandable that long term relationships are hard to let go of, but partners may find themselves excusing each other’s bad behavior for the sake of not negating past progress. Cosmopolitan notes how Leonard is clearly unfazed in this video. He sits opposite Kourtney with a neutral expression, practically smiling when he says “I had sex with other girls” in response to Kourtney asking him what his behavior entailed.

A person who treats their partner in this way should not be referred to as a “best friend.” Clearly, he wasn’t. Your own dignity should be protected before the integrity of past memories. Value yourself above this, and know that your emotions, even as sincere and gentle as Kourtney’s were, deserve to be preserved for someone better, not openly discussed with the person who betrayed them or put aside for the sake of friendship.

When someone does not value you in a relationship, leave. When someone does nothing but drag you down in life, don’t continue to raise him or her up, leave. “Hurt Bae displays a young woman with much to offer in a relationship, attempting to make sense of her ex-boyfriend’s unacceptable behavior when she should instead be deleting his number and not validating his toxicity with praise of their better days.

In any relationship, partnership, or friendship, it is important to know that your wellbeing comes first. Don’t stick around and allow perennial explanations from someone who does nothing but lower your spirits and self-esteem. Instead, raise yourself up by understanding that your self-worth is much easier to lift once you relieve yourself of the weight of someone not worth carrying.

Featured Image by fractured-fairytales on Flickr

Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC BY 2.0)

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    February 23, 2017 at 11:40 am

    I saw this video and felt the SAME way! It’s amazing how well you interpreted their damaged connection. It was sad to see the dynamic of their relationship since they have such opposite attitudes towards each other. I hope she reads this article; you gave amazing insight on how one should value oneself.

  2. Avatar


    February 23, 2017 at 11:31 am

    Loved reading this! I agree with all the points that the writer articulated !!

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