If you haven’t discovered Fyogawing yet, you’ve seriously missing out.
Before I let you in on this secret workout program, like any cheesy infomercial, I must give you evidence of how the past workout programs haven’t worked for me.
Athletics was not my forte as a kid. The couch was my friend. At a very young age, I was a connoisseur of comedy. During the summer months, my parents used to go to bed early and let me stay up late to watch comedies on TV. They’d fall asleep a few feet away knowing they’d be awoken by my little girl cackles for the next couple of hours. Running and climbing were not activities I entertained. I recall being deathly afraid of the pool slide. No matter how much my mom urged me to just try it, I wouldn’t. I just watched the other kids while I stayed safely far away lest one of those overactive children fell on my head. No, sports were not my temptress.
When I got a little bit older, my parents enrolled me in swimming classes. To my surprise, and I’m sure theirs, I was quite good at it. However, I could not master turning my head to take a breath, so I became an expert at holding my breath for the length of the pool. Impressed? You should be.
As I entered my teen years, what little athleticism I had acquired as a swimmer had slipped away. I recall playing basketball one day in gym class (read: torture) as a junior high student, and being quite pleased with myself when I shot the ball into the basket.
When I was done feeling proud of myself, I turned to discover all the other kids at the other end of the court. Apparently I had shot the ball into my own basket, not the opposing team’s.
By the time I entered adulthood, the word “exercise” was not in my vocabulary. In fact, a few years ago, I was at a first visit with a new doctor, and he asked me if I worked out. I told him I walk frequently. He responded with, “That’s exercise if you’re eighty.”
Alas, one day I was feeling a bit chunky and bought some Pilates DVDs. I was really excited about this. It seemed such an easy concept: I’d come home and work out a few times a week, lie on a mat, do some stretches, and my body would become a size 4 in no time. Easy!
When the DVDs arrived, I was so excited. My supermodel body was waiting. But I got busy, or that’s my story at least, and ignored the DVDs for a while. When I felt bad about myself for not working out, I decided I needed motivation. So, I bought myself a new outfit for Pilates. Actually, my mom bought it for me. A few days later, I put on my new outfit, put in the DVD, and got ready to shed away the chunk. But then I thought, maybe I should watch the DVD first so I can learn the moves. A few minutes later, I was lying on the couch (full on LYING), and taking a nap in my new Pilates outfit while the lady on the DVD was trying desperately to teach me how to do all the moves. The practice of taking a nap in my Pilates outfit while pretend watching the DVD became my new hobby. Unfortunately, I didn’t shed any pounds.
I’ve had real bouts of working out in my life, and have actually enjoyed some of it. I’ve learned that I hate cardio, but love weights and yoga. Lately, I’ve had a hard time getting motivated again to work out. Mind you, I have a gym in my building, so I really have no excuse. But since I haven’t felt like working out in the last few months, I invented a new workout program. The beauty of this program is that by shopping for a yoga outfit, you will only increase your chances of success. I came up with this program one day when my friend Karen and I wanted to spend the day just hanging out in this beautiful city. Apparently, there’s a Chick-fil-A in NYC I did not know about (it’s on the NYU campus if you don’t know about it either.) She had a craving for it, and I was game. We’d been complaining about not being in shape (usually while we’re eating chips), so I wanted to remedy our pattern. And that is how Fyogawing was birthed.
I convinced Karen to put on a yoga outfit, and meet me in Washington Square Park. Sure enough, we both showed up to the park in yoga outfits. First, we tackled lunch at Chick-fil-A. Then we decided to stroll and shop. A bit later, we had coffee. All the while, we were rocking our yoga outfits. To the random observer, we were fit chicks rewarding ourselves after a serious yoga sesh. I walked home in my yoga outfit feeling like I had indeed had a workout. And I looked good doing it. Fyogawing, you see, is fake yoga!
If you’re thinking to yourself that you’re carrying too much weight to pull off Fyogawing, don’t fret. You will just appear as if you’re working off the extra pounds. The best part of this program is you do not need a gym membership, a trainer, or workout equipment. You do not need to deprive yourself of heavenly carbs. You just need a new yoga outfit.