This is a satirical take on Dave McClure’s apology blog post. Things that were actually said or written will be hyperlinked.
Journal Entry
7/1/17:
I feel bad about what I did – I really do – but is it bad that I can’t stop thinking how this will affect my chances with future partners?
The word “partners” can mean whatever you want it to. Business partners, life partners – I’m in the market for both at all times.
In a way, though, all this controversy could have actually been good for me. A ton of women know who I am now, and at least a few of them will probably feel pretty bad for me after that blog post. Women know how men work – it’s just in their nature. I know I shouldn’t have done what I did, but having that knowledge now couldn’t have stopped me then.
I mean, come on, are you supposed to kill a dog after it bites someone? Actually, they do do that sometimes. But usually, no.
Rescue dogs though, doesn’t everyone think they’re cute? Yeah, they might bite you once or twice, but everyone loves to love a rescue dog. They’re a work-in-progress, just like me, and everyone loves a work-in-progress, especially if they have a part in it.
I was pretty down about everything that happened, but now I’ve started looking at it from a different angle. Not somebody else’s angle, like I said in the blog post, just an angle that flatters me.
Everything is what you make of it. For a bunch of people, this could have been career-ending, but with a little marketing, you can make anything work for you. I knew that all I had to do was take the blame. People want to forgive you if you admit you were wrong. They’ll usually even like you more afterwards.
I mean, how are you gonna be mad at that? It’s kind of cute, honestly.
But I know I definitely need to change. If this happens again I’m going to be totally screwed. They’ll probably put me on some Silicon Valley sexual offender list – watch, that’ll be the new thing. I’ll have to stay a thousand feet away from any work party that might not actually be a work party.
I don’t know how I could have avoided this all to begin with. Maybe I just need to be more assertive. I mean, that Facebook message was pretty pathetic.
“I was getting confused figuring out whether to hire you or hit on you.”
I mean, come on, I can definitely do better. Everyone knows girls don’t like mixed signals, and who says you can’t hire a girl and hit on her?
Basically everyone, I’ve found out, but that doesn’t mean it never happens. You just need both to make the equation work – hit on her and offer her the job – that way she probably won’t be that mad you hit on her. I mean, at least she gets a job out of it.
Anyway, I’ll be sleeping on the couch for a while, but at least I haven’t left the building.
They can’t keep me in the doghouse forever – right?
Featured Image by Joi Ito on Flickr
Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC BY 2.0)
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