Be FunSeptember 11, 2012

It’s A Dog’s Life

I had to say goodbye to my dog again for another extended period of time as I left London to return to New York.

This was really quiet unfortunate because it had pretty much taken the whole three months I was over there for him to start getting used to having me around again, only for me to leave once again. It had been a good six months or so since the last time I saw him, and at this point it’s no wonder that he seems to forget me each time I go away and return.

Either that, or he was just choosing to ignore me out of spite, which I would not put past the ungrateful mutt. You would think he would be forever indebted to me for rescuing him off the mean streets of Spain, but is that the case? Noooo.

The only thing he is loyal to is the person who has food in his hands at any given moment in time. It has become painfully clear that if, God forbid, we were ever to be robbed, Crusoe would probably gladly escort the thieves to all our valuables in return for a piece of meat. There is no shame in his game.

I remember opening the paper one day and there was this huge spread in it about this dog called Pudsey. At the time, I had no idea who Pudsey was but apparently he had won Britain’s Got Talent and was now set to take Hollywood and the world by storm, blah, blah, blah. He was being flown on private jets to meet movie execs and being treated like a huge celebrity with people at his every beck and call.

Now, I could write a whole white paper on the topic of ‘celebrity’ pets and the ridiculousness that surrounds how they are treated, but I won’t go down that disturbing road today. Suffice to say that this dog was probably drinking out of the toilet a few weeks ago; now you’re expected to give him Fiji water and serve his food on only the finest china as he reclines on a specially made doggie massage chair to help him “relax.”

At first I was of course skeptical about the supposed talents of Pudsey, but more disturbingly, extremely concerned about the supposed talents, or lack thereof, of Britain. If a dog won Britain’s Got Talent, what does that say about the general population? Who was the guy that came second that’s going to have to live the rest of his life going, “Yeah, I lost to a dog.” Ouch. Well, my curiosity was piqued and I had to see what all the fuss was about.

A few clicks on Youtube later and I was definitely forced to eat my words. Pudsey was nothing short of amazing. I mean there are dogs that do tricks, and then there’s Pudsey.

He is on a whole other level and I could definitely begin to see what all the hoopla was about. I looked over at Crusoe with a newfound sense of disdain and said, “Why can’t you do cool stuff like that?” He of course ignored me and didn’t budge form his fifth nap of the day, and it wasn’t even noon yet.

So I woke him up and put him in front of the screen to watch Pudsey do his thing. My hope was that seeing another dog doing something more that eat, sleep, and sniff other dog’s butts would inspire him to make something of his life. Well after it was all over, I don’t think he shared my enthusiasm because his immediate response was to lift up his hind leg and pee on the TV stand before going back to his nap. I can only assume from that reaction that he wasn’t a fan.

It’s okay Crusoe, you don’t need the glitz and the glamour. If you’re content just chasing squirrels in the backyard and laying in the sun all day, who am I to expect anything more from you than you expect of yourself. Sure, it’s all fast cars and champagne for Pudsey now, but one day when were sitting on the couch watching the E! True Hollywood Story about how his life fell apart due to drugs, alcohol, and a failed marriage to Britney Spears, I supposed you will have the last laugh.

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