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Just Desserts

I like to think I’m a simple guy. Pretty easy-going and dare I say, moderate. However, I have two rules. Or perhaps better said, two don’ts, to which I hold fast. The first is I don’t do moving. Fortunately, every time someone has ever asked me to help them move, it’s been on a weekend when I just happen to be going out of town. In that regard, I suppose I’ve been really lucky, because I would hate to be put in a position where I would have to say no…that would just make me look bad. 

Rule number two is equally uncomplicated: I don’t share dessert. I have an epic sweet tooth and in my mind, every part of the meal beforehand is simply a prelude to dessert. The way I see it, dessert is one of life’s simple pleasures that should be experienced individually…just saying.

Anyway, a couple weeks ago, some friends and I went out to dinner. Things started out about as well as anyone could expect; the company and food were good, so what could be better right? Well, as soon as we had dispensed with the formalities of appetizers and entrees, the time came for the real fun to start.

I had my mind set on the jumbo chocolate chip cookie with a side of ice cream. The majority of the table chose to pass on dessert because they are just weird, but one of my friends wanted the same thing I got, only to be informed by the server that I had ordered the last one. There was disappointment written all over her face as she has to settle for the brownie with ice cream.
Not a bad choice, but not on the level of the cookie, that’s for sure. Anyway, I just acted like I didn’t know what was going on, because I started to get a sense of what was about to happen here. At that moment, she looked over at me and said something to the effect of “You ordered the last one and I really wanted the cookie.” I didn’t even dignify her with a response, it was like I developed a spontaneous speech disorder.

Ten minutes later, both desserts were brought out. My cookie was looking heavenly, draped in silky smooth vanilla ice cream. Yum. The brownie comes out looking good too, but it had nothing on that cookie. 

My friend had this forlorn look on her face, and I tried my best to avoid eye contact and the inevitable guilt trip that was about to ensue. I suppose at this point a better man, or some would argue a gentleman, would have given up the cookie and traded down to the brownie, but the rules are the rules.

That being said, I am not completely without heart and did concede to give her a piece of the cookie thinking that would resolve the situation.

As it turned out that was a huge mistake, because as soon as she had one bite of that bad boy, the brownie lost all appeal and she just pushed it to the middle of the table. As if that wasn’t bad enough, all the girls who “didn’t” want dessert suddenly felt compelled to have a bite of mine! Of course, now I could no longer justify refusing the rest of them having already compromised my position with the one.

Let that be a life lesson to you boys and girls: you bend the rules for one person, sooner or later everyone else is going to expect the same treatment.  

So at this point the cookie is half gone, my friend is still sulking, and now all the rest of the girls are putting the guilt trip on me for not having given her the whole thing (conveniently forgetting that they ate most of it!) All this, and I hadn’t even had a bite yet! At this point, I chose to ignore them all because I was trying to salvage what’s left of this disaster and enjoy the rest of my dessert. Well, I probably got a solid couple bites in, and then that horrid little thing called a conscience began to kick in.  

I suppose technically I had no reason to feel guilty, but as is often the case, that’s not how it plays out in real life. Next thing I know, I begrudgingly slid over the rest of the cookie to her and she, unconvincingly I might add, acted surprised and made a big deal about how she doesn’t want to deprive me of it, to which I respond “please just take it before I change my mind.” Not the most chivalrous exchange I’ll admit, but hey, that was about all I could muster at that point.

I looked at the leftover brownie still sitting in the middle of the table and thought, what the heck, I’ll give it a shot. It came up short. I pushed it right back to the middle of the table. My friend, meanwhile, was going to town on the cookie oblivious to anything else. I couldn’t help but think, that could have been me…

Well, needless to say, I left that evening not getting the dessert I wanted, but on some level knowing that that was how it had to be if I hoped to maintain any semblance of decency in the eyes of the fairer sex. I suppose next time I’ll probably just go right ahead and order the humble pie because that’s probably the one dessert that’s always high in supply, but low in demand. That way I won’t have to worry about breaking rule number two.

Featured Image by Rose Elena on Unsplash

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1 Comment

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    May 4, 2012 at 2:05 am

    Soooooo…..just how good of friends were these dessert theives? Really, in retrospect, was it worth the sacrifice??? I bow at your feet as being a much bigger person than I ever could be. I mean, think about it…it was the ultimate chocolate chip cookie dessert. My mouth is drooling and my heart is just broken when I think of what you did. Hats off to you my friend….may all your meals from here on out be topped off with amazing delicacies at the table of people that understand “the rules”.

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