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Nailing My “Not a Bucket List” List

Reach for the stars? No thanks. I’m reaching for the remote.

I’ve heard people talk about their so-called “bucket lists,” as in what they’d like to do before they die. This may seem like a morbid thought to some of you, but I think it’s a healthy practice. One should have ambition, dreams, and goals. Otherwise we might as well be living the same day over and over again a la Bill Murray in Groundhog Day.

So I’m all for having a list of things to accomplish within a specific timeframe, or prior to inevitable death. What I’m not signing up for is the insane activities people put on their list. Why put yourself in situations that can easily bring you to your death faster? No, skydiving is not on my list. Nor is climbing Mount Everest or doing stand up comedy.

Instead, I’ve come up with a “feasible” bucket list. Why kill myself checking off a list when there are perfectly practical things I can do? So here’s me reaching for the remote, and coming up with a list I have a shot at nailing.

1. Eat soufflé.

I’ve never had it.  I know I’ll enjoy it.  And if on the rare chance I die eating it, well…I can’t think of a better way to go than indulging in something decadent.

2. Live in a one-bedroom apartment.  

If you don’t live in Manhattan, you’d be surprised how many of us have this as a wish. I’ve lived in Manhattan for almost six years, and I’ve never had a bedroom…always a studio. I dream of walls and a door that would separate my bed from my couch. To be truly honest, the BIG dream, if I dare wish it, is a washer and dryer. When you dream of a washer and dryer in your apartment, you know you’re a New Yorker.

3. Find a strapless bra that works.

This may be one of the things on my list that may never happen. They don’t make them to work. They make them faulty knowing you’re buying a dream…over and over again.

4. Find my 2009 taxes.

I may have to visit the New York State IRS Department for this, and that may indeed kill me.

5. Eat carbs once without self-loathing.

I’ve never been able to discipline myself into doing healthy things like consistently working out, waking up early, and being on time. But I have been successfully trained to hate myself after consuming carbs…every time.

6. Own a piece of furniture that does not require assembly.

Again, living in Manhattan, you’re relegated to shopping for furniture at Ikea and Target in order to get your furniture to fit in elevators and staircases. True story: my first apartment was on the sixth floor, but the elevator only went to the fifth floor. Most of the time the elevator didn’t work, but even when it was functional you couldn’t use it to move anything…it was the size of a refrigerator.

7. Be the kind of person that knows what truffles are.

Now that I’ve written that, I want to keep the mystery alive.

8. Date a guy I actually like.

Just one. Just once.

9. Start my own magazine.

Well, that’s one down.

Featured Image by Glenn Carstens-Peters on Unsplash

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