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Please, Rain On My Parade!

Spring is officially here! Well, on paper anyway. So far, it seems we have been teased with the occasional day of good weather, then mostly hit with overcast skies and rain. One would think we were in London or something, innit. That being said, we’re not talking torrential downpours here. 

Just enough to be mildly annoying, which is apparently is also enough to almost bring Manhattan to a standstill. It’s amazing how when there’s any kind of rain, everything suddenly becomes exponentially more difficult. All of a sudden, traffic becomes ten times worse, and as for cabs, forget about it. If there’s one thing you can count on, it’s that the moment you most need a cab, you ain’t getting one.  


When you don’t need, or want one, they’re zooming around everywhere, even honking you down, like, “Hey, you want a cab?” However, let it be raining and all of a sudden they’re like Pau Gasol in the clutch…nowhere to be found. 

In case you couldn’t tell, I’m not a fan of the rain. Even so, if it’s not raining at the time I’m literally walking out the door, there’s no way I’m carrying an umbrella or putting on a raincoat. I’d sooner risk getting wet or shelling out for a new umbrella than look like a plonker, carrying one around all day and it doesn’t rain.

That’s basically like being the person who shows up to a party in costume, only to find out that it’s not actually a costume party. No one wants to be “that guy.” You’ll get odd looks in the street, and little kids will point at you and ask their parents why you’re dressed weird. It’s a horrible feeling.

I’ll tell you who the real beneficiaries of this gloomy weather are…companies that sell rain boots. As long as it keeps raining, they can continue to convince us that spending $125 on two pieces of rubber is a good idea. A barrel of crude oil doesn’t cost that much.

I suppose with that in mind, it should come as no surprise how little it takes for people to whip out the wellies these days. Heck, apparently it doesn’t even take rain!

Give us a slightly overcast sky, or the threat of a light drizzle, and just like clockwork, the Hunters will be out in full force. Not that I can blame anybody. When you make an investment like that, you’re going to look for every opportunity to get your money’s worth, come rain or shine.

So, in an ironic twist of fate, we actually begin praying for the very thing we were hoping to avoid. Truth is, no one wants to put on a pair of rain boots, carry an umbrella, or dress for inclement weather only to not have their parade rained on, literally.  

Speaking of raining on parades, I feel compelled at this point to say to the guys out there — who may be blissfully unaware — tall rain boots are not appropriate footwear. I like to think that when it comes to fashion and style, I’m on the more liberal end of the scale, but even I can’t get on board with this. This is not the British army trenches circa WW1, nor is it a waterlogged farmland where one’s going to be knee-deep in mud.

There’s just no practical rationale behind this trend, which makes it totally unjustifiable. Yes, the Duke of Wellington originated the style with men in mind, but those days are history. You don’t see anyone strutting around wearing those white colonial wigs anymore, right?

Well, the same should go for the tall rain boots. When it comes to guys, It’s just not a good look. Ask your girlfriend (if you still have one); she’s been dying to tell you, she just didn’t know how.

With that said, I’ll get off the soapbox. I am hoping the rain will fade away sooner rather than later, and spring will really kick in. Before we know it, the summer will be upon us. The days will get longer and the hemlines will get shorter.

Unfortunately, along with that will come a whole new kind of poor footwear choice for some men. The Jesus sandal. I’ll probably need that soapbox again sooner than I think.

Featured Image by Erik Witsoe on Unsplash

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3 Comments

  1. Avatar

    Sy

    May 18, 2012 at 4:45 am

    Sir, you are hilarious. And right on the money. Great post.

  2. Avatar

    eunion

    May 15, 2012 at 2:47 pm

    haha so sassy. I totally pray for more rain whenever I wear rainboots outside so I don’t look stupid walking home in the sunshine..

  3. Avatar

    Naz (Make It, Bake It, Create It)

    May 15, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    Hilarious! I totally have a pair of hunters. I live in Seattle & it’s the same up here…peep look for every opportunity to wear them! I 100% agree with your opinion about guys not wearing the knee high boots AND Jesus sandals…ew. :))

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