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When the Masculine Met the Feminine

Are you masculine AND feminine? Bryan Reeves says you are! Allow me to elaborate…


Photo by Bryan Reeves

Reeves is a badass! Not only is he an invested and passionate life coach, but he’s also an author and speaker. His niche? Love and relationships: a subject for which we can all use some extra schooling.

After ending his career as a Captain in the US Air Force, Reeves traveled and explored the world, and most importantly, self-examined. Armed with a Masters in Human Relations, he delved into his fascination with relationships and how to do them well.

Raised by “a pack of women”, Reeves is not only comfortable with femininity, but he also champions women. I met with Bryan for a therapy session….I mean an interview…to learn more about his theory of the masculine and the feminine energy we all possess, and how discerning our masculine and feminine qualities can help us enhance our relationships and connect with one another. It’s not just about how men and women communicate differently; it’s about the masculine/feminine paradigm.

NYMM: How do the differences between masculine and feminine energy affect our culture and relationships?

BR: Masculine energy is all about “doing”, as in productivity, outcome, achievement, accomplishments, fixing things, [and] solving things. Feminine energy is about “being”. We’re out of balance as a society, because we are so focused on outcome and productivity. Who you are is what you do. We place little attention on how we’re being with what we’re doing. This is why we have a culture that is running itself ragged, and it shows up in relationships.

NYMM: How is this lack of balance of masculine and feminine energy reflected in relationships?

BR: We all have the capacity to focus and accomplish an outcome (masculine), and the capacity to sit still and feel our body and feel the wind on our skin, to smell the roses (feminine). In intimate relationships, the reason we partner with someone is because we want to exchange masculine and feminine energies. The masculine aspect in all of us, both men and women but predominantly men, is constantly trying to fix everything, solve problems, achieve. The feminine in relationships is the aspect in all of us that is concerned with “being”.

The feminine aspect is all about what are we feeling, what is happening right now, what are we being in this moment. The feminine value is to connect. We connect through feeling. The masculine value is freedom. In our masculinity, all we’re ever doing is solving problems, fixing things. Many relationships experience what I call “Masculine Checkout Syndrome”: the more masculine partner is completely checked out of their emotions, and the feminine partner can’t feel them. That hurts her, and makes her feel lonely and abandoned. Because a lot of women are programmed to be masculine, she might suppress [her emotions] also. So either she will make her protests louder or she will shut herself down…which is more masculine, and it protects her.

For illustration, watch this video Reeves shared with me:

Images Provided by Bryan Reeves

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